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Parenting Styles

            There are at least three different parenting styles, which Barbara Coloroso calls brick wall, jellyfish, and backbone. First, a brick wall parent is in control and has all the power. He or she makes all the rules, which are non-negotiable. If the rules are broken, the result is punishment—often overly severe punishment. Brick wall parents often govern their household by fear. For example, a teenage daughter of a brick wall parent is fifteen minutes past curfew. Her parent is waiting at the door and very angry. He yells at her and grounds her for a whole month, even if teen has a good excuse. Another example: the six-year-old son of a brick wall parent steals a pack of gum from the grocery store. When the parent finds out, he yells, spanks him angrily, and threatens to call the police in order to scare him. The second parenting style is referred to as jellyfish parenting. A jellyfish parent is one that has no control and just goes with the flow. A jellyfish parent either has no rules or does not enforce them. Children of jellyfish parents often run wild and are terrors in the neighborhood or at school because they haven’t learned about consequences. For example the teenage daughter of a jellyfish parent is out until 3:00 a.m. There is no punishment; in fact, the jellyfish mom doesn’t even notice because she is asleep and doesn’t require the teenager to check in. Another example: the six-year-old son of a jellyfish parent steals pack of gum; when the jellyfish mom finds out, she only says, “Stealing is bad. You shouldn’t do that.” Finally, the best parenting style is called backbone parenting. The backbone parent sets rules and establishes consequences. He or she is consistent in administering consequences, but is also reasonable and flexible. For example, backbone parents establish with their teenager the rule that a broken curfew means that the teen will be grounded for one evening. When the teenage daughter then gets home fifteen minutes late the parents and teen talk about broken rule and review the pre-established consequences together. In the example of the six-year-old who steals pack of gum, a backbone parent would talk with the child about it, explaining why stealing is bad. Then he or she would take the child to the store to return the gum or pay for it with allowance money. These are just three of the many parenting styles out there. It is best to avoid the extremes of being a brick wall or a jellyfish and try to be a backbone parent. [442 words]